Easing change

I was never able to quit smoking. No matter how hard I tried. In 2008, something happened and I quit. Almost effortlessly.

Looking back, it was neither willpower nor any outside help. I do not know.

Everyone wants to change for the better. More money, vibrant health, loving relationships. We want contentment in all areas of our lives. But we are rarely satisfied. A moment of joy is often followed by a long stream of grind and dissatisfaction. Why is life so tough?

Life is not harsh, it just wants our attention. Inward attention. So that this attention can relax our mind from the problem. Once we stop worrying about the problem, the best solution jumps out of us.

I spent a decade trying to lose weight without much success. I tried all diets, exercise plans, and anything I could lay my hands on for ten years. From mid 20s to mid 30s. Nothing worked. 80% of the people who start a food and exercise plan do not succeed. I am no different. I thought the right solution was ‘out’ there and my job was to find it and then implement it with all my willpower. I was so wrong.

The solution to my weight loss problem was inside me. It was though creating ease around the fact that I need to be fit and lose weight. Once I relaxed and allowed some space into my worrying mind, I had the clarity to make the right choices. I started to eat healthy and do regular exercise without much effort.

As I was relaxed, I was not burning my energy in worrying. I was balanced with more relaxed energy to take the right action. I was acting as if the problem doesn't exist. Once I eased myself into the idea of ‘fitness’, the rest of the journey was effortless. I went from being stressful all the time and fat to being at ease and having vitality. For last 5 years, I am able to maintain a steady weight and healthy physique.

I thought ease will make me lazy and uncommitted– not true. Ease increased my productivity. Worrying was causing wrong choices.

Looking back, I was able to quit smoking because I was not hell-bent to make it work although I still wanted to quit. It was like holding a tennis ball in a clinched fist versus holding it in an open palm.

My trap to making change and feeling contentment is simply control. Trying to control the way I was going to meet my goals.

To live our life with purpose we need goals and it is nice to have an end result in mind. It motivates us. But holding the path to the goal too tightly is not necessary. We can relax and achieve our goals too.

Consider the following inquiry to create ease:

1. Think one area of your life you want to change. Then think of a path/process which will help you make this change.

2. Spend 2-3 minutes visualising yourself as being successful as intensely as you can with deep rapid breathing.

3. Now, tell yourself that there is no guarantee that you will succeed in this goal. See what images and scenarios come up. Spend a few minutes feeling the images and scenarios while breathing slowly and deeply. Keep breathing and relax any tense muscles in the body.

4. Finally, visualise yourself as being successful with a gentle smile on your face and slow deep breathing for a few minutes.